Self preservation is not self-indulgent. It’s a public service to others.

The busier we are, the more we need to build in a well-being moment or activity for ourselves. What helps keep us afloat? What declutters our minds? How can we feel more relaxed when our worlds are very full?

It sometimes feels like we’re on a runaway train, and we’re powerless to stop it. When we’re out of our usual routines, or our term time structures (this very much applies to my family,) or have had to adapt our lives at short notice, existence can feel exhausting juggling different needs, people, and factors. Plus, we have been conditioned to believe that busyness and productiveness equals success and fulfilment. But rest and reset should be a non-negotiable pillar of our lives too.

Everyone feels untethered and destabilised from time to time. Being able to ground and re-root ourselves regularly is vital to combat this. Our mental health, especially if we are prone to feeling panicky, overwhelmed and stressed quite often, deserves as much respect and consideration as our physical stamina and well-being.

So, what is our usual modus operandi?  Are we already well placed to feel calm and confident in the face of a change of pace and routine? Or, do we experience pre-race psychological and physiological jitters before a busy transition period and packed schedule? It’s important to remember that we already ‘own our own power’ to face life’s twists, turns, and even bumps. We can decide in advance how and when we will practice not just self-care, but self-preservation. This is going to look and feel different for each one of us depending on our responsibilities and personalities.

For me, staying sane especially in the school holidays means simple, honest, clear conversations with my husband about the 15 minutes/half an hour/one hour here and there during a busy week when I can either write or exercise. I also need quiet time on my own to function well. I know that both writing and exercise will provide not just valuable, but essential, time away from others. Chatting this through with him and building it into our diaries, helps us stay on the same page in terms of our expectations and understanding of each other and one another’s needs. When he knows explicitly what I need, when and why, he then can express what he needs too to keep his own mental health in check and balanced. This is a mutual, two-way communicative process.

(At this point, I would add, that it’s common to go from day to day being permanently overstimulated, especially by other people. This feels especially draining if you are more of an introvert by nature, like me. As a species we are social creatures who do need company and community, but not all the time. We benefit hugely recharging by having time alone.)

It may seem difficult, but we do possess the tools to make congruent, conscious choices that expand our capacity and window of tolerance. Transitions, change, busyness, extra mental load can be well managed without causing anxiety, a tightness in our chests, and increased heart-rates. We have the power (and the right) to flex our self-preservation muscles. It is neither self-indulgent, nor a luxury. It is a public service to others!

Choosing to curate balance and enough spaciousness for ourselves will stop us sinking below the tipping point into negative equity. It prevents us from bleeding out our stress and tension on to everyone else. If we ignore self-care, we will inevitably start projecting our own discomfort on to our friends and family which in turn causes conflict, an increase in stress, affects our relationships, and can make us resentful and miserable. What I’m saying is, we owe it to others as much as to ourselves to be responsible for how we interact with the world. If we need 10 minutes respite behind a closed door to reset, let’s do it. If we need to put our coat on, and take ourselves for a 15 minute power march around the block, why not?

When we identify an incoming bottleneck on the horizon, and physically and mentally begin to feel it’s incoming impact, we have a choice. Ignore it. Or address it. We don’t have to feel apprehension, then manage a bout of full-on tension, nerves, stress and overload. Life shouldn’t be like that - pinging from one stressful situation to another. Let’s not give away our power by letting life runaway with us and merely hoping for a five minute breather here and there. Let’s make it happen by planning for it. Scheduling it. Valuing it for what it is – an important and restabilising part of our lives, critical to sustaining positive mental health all round. Let’s write it into our diaries. If we don’t, our other pressures and responsibilities will swamp us, crowding out any vague self-care intention. We must flex our self-preservation muscles, guilt-free, in order to stay healthy and be a nice person to be around, especially in the school holidays!